If I Was...

...making a living as a touring and recording musician and I happened to stumble upon Animals As Leaders, I would quit. End game. Sell my equipment to a pawn shop. Become a banker.

I got their self-titled debut (which made my 2009 Best Of list, by the by) when it came out and have been jamming on it ever since. However, it was seeing them live last night (with the always awesome and criminally underrated Dredg and the 10-year sleeping pill in the making, codeseven) that turned my appreciation for a Meshuggah-esque worshipping instrumental record, into worship.

If you're even remotely keeping up on the metal scene today, you know that Tosin Abasi is THE MAN right now. He makes Joe Satriani look like he plays with the proficiency and talent of CC Deville. It's sickening to watch him play, eyes closed and off in some other world...Only long enough to fit right back in the pocket of a poly-rhythmic bridge or segue into another mindfuck of a riff. And his band (who fill out this POWER trio) is perfect. No mistakes, no wrong notes, no nothing. Pure talent. In fact, I'm fairly certain the drummer is a legitimate machine.

It's not often an opening band can win over a crowd, let alone a 17-year old girl/effeminate boy crowd, but they certainly did, be it by scaring them shitless or blowing their fucking minds...Who's to say? Who cares.

Prepare thyself:

"Cafo"

Proghma-C is Your New Favorite Band

They really are. You just don't know it yet. Like the sound of Polish Prog-ShuggahTool Core? It sounds like either the most awkward sexual fetish, or a genre of metal that is most awesome. Their debut album, Bar-Do Travel, is now available in the states, via our good friends over at Eagle Rock/Armoury Records.

The album kicks off with "Kana", a slow-burn, grinding Meshuggah riff, balanced by vocalist Piotr Gibner's Maynard-esque croon to near At The Gates gutteral screams. Countless bands abuse this technique and fail, but Proghma-C found that delicate balance where verses, choruses, segues and interludes flow seamlessly.

If the album has any faults, it would be the single mistake of covering Bjork's "Army of Me". Not because it's not good...Helmet covered this track years ago for a Music For Our Mother Ocean comp and it fucking killed. Hey, without Helmet, most of these bands wouldn't exist, so their cover of a cover of a cover gets a free pass. Solid logic, I know.

As far as new bands go, there's not a whole lot out there that's getting me excited this year. Proghma-C kicked me square in the dick. This record takes all the elements of what makes prog and atmospheric metal so amazing, and leaves out the bullshit wanking and overplaying. Buy this shit.

"Spitted Out":

Progressive Nation 2009 = Shitstorm

Mike Portnoy is an awesome drummer and up until last year, a killer tour organizer. The first annual Progressive Nation tour featured Dream Theater, Opeth, Between The Buried and Me and Three...I know, so good it barely made sense. So myself and a horde of fans around the country were eagerly awaiting this year's lineup. Could they add Meshuggah? The reunited Cynic (a band DT owes a a lot to)? Porcupine Tree? Katatonia? Shit, they really have their pick of the litter when it comes down to it.

Syncopated drum roll please (terrible drummer joke, I'm well aware)...Progressive Nation 2009 will be Dream Theater, Zappa Plays Zappa, Pain of Salvation and Beardfish. What and who the fuck are all these guys? I'm well aware that ZPZ is Dweezil playing his Dad's tunes. Fine. Pain of Salvation and Beardfish are nerd prog bands from Sweden. Jesus this sucks. No Dillinger Escape Plan. No Spylacopa. No Protest The Hero. No Redemption. No Fates Warning. No Battles. No nothing.

I am eagerly awating the tenth Dream Theater LP, which was completed in October and comes out later this year, but this abomination is some serious bullshit.

"Wait For Sleep" Live:
"The Mirror" Live 2004:

My Favorite Yiddish Band

When I was growing up, my Great Grandmother would always say people were "meshugganah", which I assumed meant crazy/insane/etc. I'm not sure if her pronunciation was right or the condensed one is, but either way, I love me some Meshuggah. I first heard of/saw them in 1998 in Jacksonville, FL, opening up for Sick of it All and Slayer at Club 5. I thought they were decent, but the sound was muddy and the bill was so weird (SOIA and Slayer???) that they really never clicked with me. Both guitarists in my band loved them but I just wasn't ready for the awesome poly-rhythms and such just yet, I guess.

Over the years, I've grown to love this band and the fact that they get better and stronger with every album is not exactly hurting these dudes. Their latest LP, obZen, is a brilliant mixture of literally every component that makes Meshuggah great. It's fast, slow, driving, brutal, complex, simple, heavy as fuck, and mind-bending. Even if you don't dig the razor-mouthed vocals, the music is any music students' dream and nightmare at the same time.

So, Meshuggah came up on channel 910 (Metal) last night and I tried so desperately to sell my wife on how awesome Meshuggah is. She didn't bite. Maybe she knows it's so good, it would make her save face to not agree. That must be it.

Cheers to my Swedish, yet somewhat Yiddish friends!

"Shed"

"Bleed" (One of those songs that's so good it hurts)