Thursday, May 31, 2007

Why Metallica Isn't Good

When I was 9, I got my first cassette of ...And Justice For All, after I saw the "One" video on Headbanger's Ball. That record changed the way I listened to music and what I listed to. Unlike VH1 and their "Metal" specialty lists and shows, I then knew that Poison, Kix and Trixter weren't metal. They were girls (No offense, ladies). Shit, Vixen were more metal than Poison. Still are.

So "Justice" kicked me in the ass and exposed me to METAL. Not far off was Anthrax, Megadeth, Sepultura, Slayer, Pantera, and even more alt-metal stuff like Rollins Band and White Zombie. However, I read an article with the Kirk "Muppet" Hammett today, and although I'm about to rag on Hetfield, I thought I'd pick on Hammett as well. I can just hear him from "Some Kind Of Monster": "Geez guys, can't we just get along, geez". No, they can't. Lars is a waste of sperm and one horrible drummer (who used to be good, lost it shortly after) and James was one of the most powerful frontmen/rhythm guitarists/songwriters in the history of metal...Who now wants to talk about feelings and inner-demons he blames on alcohol. Jesus, dude, ever heard of Alcoholica?

So Hammett says their upcoming "metal" record is the best thing they've done in 15 years. Look, I don't care what anyone says. "Load" was mostly really good. "St. Anger" was the real nail in the coffin of Metallica's dying legacy.

Jamz (what a stupid nickname), I haven't forgotten you. This guy has the potential to still kill it, but chooses not to. Talk about your feelings with a country side project. I imagine it would be quite good, actually. Metallica isn't a band that will fight world hunger or save the rainforest. Save that for U2. They are meant to rock and to make beer-swilling meatheads lose their shit at over-priced stadium concerts, with horrible supporting acts like Linkin Park and Mudvayne.

Unless you plan to unleash a real metal record, don't come back. Lars, keep selling crappy art. James, STOP bitching. Kirk, time to re-evaluate why you hang out with Lars and James. Rob, go back to Suicidal Tendencies. They need you, as they suck now too.

And even though he's no peach, at least the new Megadeth comes correct. So does the new Dream Theater and Porcupine Tree.

Oh, and this guy is the world's biggest idiot and wins the award for quickest way to ruin one's skin:

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

haha...your rants are pretty classic